the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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