And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
