just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
