I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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