If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
