I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
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