I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize