is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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