I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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