woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
