Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
