You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
