And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
