She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
