I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize