Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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