you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
