I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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