Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
