On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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