Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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