No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
