I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
