I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
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