How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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