i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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