Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
