We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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