he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
