Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
