eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
