omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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