its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize