I don't usually arrange sex via text message
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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