So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
