I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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