She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
