My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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