We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
