you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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