I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
