you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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