You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
