I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
