At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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