Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
