my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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