dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
