My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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