No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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