Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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