I just threw up on my dentist
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
