ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
