I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
