What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
