Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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