I saw his package. It spoke to me.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
