I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
