I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
