this boner is exhausting
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize