I puked a lego.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
