Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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