DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
