Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
