There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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