Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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