he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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