Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
