no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
