So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
