I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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