I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
