I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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