Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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