I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
