Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
