I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
