Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize