STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
