3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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