What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
