I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
