I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
as a side note pls kill me
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
