She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
