So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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