Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
