Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Randomize
