He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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