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Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
